Let’s lower the raised eyebrows and take a deep breath to recover from the scandalized gasps. No matter how forbidden it seems, it is time we traversed into this territory.
Picture this:
- A sex-ed session taking place amidst giggles, sneers and awkward pauses. Amidst the cacophony and flood of irrelevant questions, the one thing students probably learn is identifying parts of the male and female reproductive systems – that too for an exam.
- It is time for the ‘talk’ at school, but separately. Boys and girls are ushered into separate classes and while we (girls) are given a brief overview on periods, pregnancy, STDs and different contraceptive methods, I don’t for the life of me know what boys have learnt during their session.
- “Se-”, “perio-”, “mastu-”, “protec-”. While some spaces allow you to openly say these words and have a mature discussion, a disturbingly large number of spaces will forbid the slightest utterance. So much so that even years later, you hesitate to say the word in front of anybody.
If any of these scenarios made you think, “Oh yes, been there,” it reinforces the argument of traversing into this territory.
Defining Sex-Ed
For the uninitiated, let’s begin from the basics. According to Planned Parenthood, sex-ed does not solely revolve around the said word. It is an umbrella term that covers a wide range of topics, including:
- Sexual health – STIs, birth control, abortion, masturbation
- Human development – Puberty, sexual orientation, gender identity, anatomy
- Communication – Boundary setting, decision-making
- Sexual behaviour
- Relationships – With oneself, friends, family and romantic partners
- Society – Media literacy, stigma, how certain factors impact sexual wellness and reproductive freedom
Much Left Unsaid and Unknown
As a student, I sat through several biology classes about reproduction, along with a handful of sex-ed sessions – yes, both subjects are inherently different in subject matter and study. Despite all the information I absorbed then, I realized the depth of my unpreparedness while researching for this article.
To my dismay, a lot of important topics were conveniently left out of those sessions, leaving us to either understand for ourselves as we grew up or rely on secondary sources.
Sure, I knew that babies weren’t magically transported to parents via stork and that each month my egg was left unfertilized, it along with my uterus lining would bleed out of my vagina.
While that is definitely important information, I left each session thinking that’s all there is to it. Gosh, was I naïve and gosh, I had so much more to learn.
Overlooking the Obvious
This particular scene in ‘Mean Girls’ was not only hilarious but extremely profound. No matter how much one tries to keep humans away from the notions of sex, desire and pleasure – everyone will delve into those eventually. It is a truism.
But
“It isn’t what our culture taught us.”
“Anything remotely related to the act is a vice, a sin.”
“People can figure it out for themselves once they grow up, what is there to it?”
“You are polluting the minds of young, innocent children!”
“This is filth.”
“Consequences? What consequences? There will be consequences if children are taught this.”
These are simply a handful of arguments posed by people who would rather walk on flaming coal than address this subject.
The suffocating taboo engulfing sex education not only makes it a terribly misunderstood notion but also causes much more harm than we can fathom.
What Consequences?
The consequences of ignoring effective sex education can fill pages and pages of a book. Some of these consequences may even seem ridiculously minuscule to one – but may deeply impact another. Be it:
Teenage pregnancies because both parties either had no inkling of protection or utilized it improperly.
Enforcing a culture of shame wherein teenagers and adults both refrain from discussing anything pertaining to the subject.
Skyrocketing rates of sexually transmitted infections – some of which can have a lifelong impact.
Increased incidents of sexual harassment, grooming and abuse.
Engaging in practices that are physically, mentally and emotionally detrimental (e.g. female genital mutilation).
Partaking (often unknowingly) in an unhealthy relationship (e.g. one that involves physical and sexual violence).
The list persists.
Over the years as I have attempted to understand the nuances of sex-ed, I realized that a lack of awareness and education can inflict much more damage on one’s mental and emotional health than their physical health.
Physical wounds heal eventually – but emotional scars from a traumatic incident can take years, possibly a lifetime to heal – not to mention impact one’s relationship with others and themselves.
Again, these are simply a handful of consequences.
Road to Realization
It all begins with truly understanding one’s body, which is more than a set of reproductive organs.
For women, it could be something as simple as knowing that stained underwear is not a result of a malfunction in their inner plumbing, but because of discharge; which is the body’s way of removing fluid, old cells and bad bacteria. Along with that, they should also be aware of moments to keep calm and carry on, and when to visit the gynecologist.
For men, it could be the simple awareness that one’s foot size or hand size does not reflect the size of their penis – and thereby, their sexual prowess. Yes, yes, this is a no-brainer and it sounds silly even to mention it. But if all men (especially teenage boys) were so self-aware, the population of dubious ‘enlargement’ experts and their nasty (not to mention unsafe) concoctions would be much lesser.
And these are simply the first rungs of the ladder.
Conducting sex-ed sessions with all genders in a classroom, imparting lessons on consent and communication within and outside the bedroom, and ensuring that the anatomies of both sexes are understood by all, are several ways to go about it.
And nobody out there is explicitly targeting young children to “pollute their minds”. Just like there is a time and a place for important occurrences, there is an appropriate time to begin educating teenagers through sex-ed.
I cannot begin to express my disappointment at the number of times men have been surprised to find out that females have, for the lack of a better word, 3 openings ‘down there’. If they were shown the structure of the female anatomy and taught well – they probably would not be so ignorant.
Despite all this, I cannot be more thankful for being privileged enough to have attended such sessions, have access to information at my fingertips and most importantly, have at least a few people with whom I can have an open, mature conversation.
I won’t lie, this piece was rooted to my desktop for over a month before I could muster the courage to complete it. I am still learning. And I know very well that there are a number of topics surrounding this that are not addressed.
But it is a beginning, and that is what matters.
Maybe it is time we began having a healthy conversation around sex-ed. In schools, at home, at the doctor’s office, and amongst our social groups as well.
The positive impact and benefits will be reaped by generations to come.
Resources
Movies discussing the importance of sex-ed:
Educators:
While Dr Mahinder Watsa unfortunately passed away in 2020 – he is definitely worthy of mention
*If you know more educators and resources that would be helpful, do not hesitate to share them below*
The Writer on the Sidelines 
Working with school children, I completely understand where this comes from and how tough it is to address this subject. As an individual and as a part of my school team, I feel extremely proud that we are taking concrete steps towards this. And somewhere atleast the children know that they can talk about this to a few of us without apprehensions or the fear of judgment. I wish we could say the same about the entire society though. It is not easy and we will have to customise this kind of programme, tweak it as and when needed. I am so proud you to have taken this topic up…
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Thank you so much aunty! 🙂 I’m so happy that some schools are taking this subject seriously and are educating children – and am always hopeful to see positive change in society.
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