Lessons I Learnt from My Immigrant Parents

My earliest set of lessons was taught by the first of many teachers; Ma and Papa. Much like a pair of wise old owls, they have been my long-standing teachers and consistently imparted a sea of wisdom to me.

While a sizeable sum of their teachings involved reprimands and reproaches, they also cultivated a wholesome atmosphere at home, allowing me to observe their actions and shape myself accordingly.

As a 23-year-old, the most important set of lessons I carry with me have been instilled by my parents. These lessons were never verbally taught to me. Rather, they were simply a way of life for Ma and Papa – which I gradually understood and adopted into my existence.

These lessons result from a decision that changed our life for the good; immigrating to a foreign country.

My family relocated lock, stock and barrel to Guangzhou, China in 2003. The very utterance of the country’s name was met with surprise and intrigue; why would one move to the elusive Middle Kingdom when there were options such as the UK, USA, Australia or even the Middle East?

Today, Ma and Papa maintain that the shift was one of their lives’ best decisions, and I couldn’t agree more. It allowed me to watch two determined and resilient people forge their path in an alien land; all while raising their children to the best of their abilities.

Here are some nuggets of wisdom I picked up from my immigrant parents:

Patience, Patience and Some More Patience

In a world that seems to be hurtling towards everything at breakneck speed, my parents emphasise the importance of patience.

Every time I feel like life is plotting against me and that there will be no outcome to my efforts, I have my parents’ story to anchor me.

Papa and Ma set foot in China at the age of 30, which is supposedly a time to settle down. With little savings, a young daughter and no lay of the land; this was their new beginning and they had no option but to make the best of it.

While Papa toiled away at ungodly hours in an office, Ma adapted to her new surroundings and ensured that although we were miles away from our country, we would feel at home the minute we walked into our apartment.

Circa 2004, one of our first outings as a family

But that was not enough.

Papa dreamed of establishing his own business and set out to accomplish that in 2005. While he travelled the length and breadth of the country for weeks at a time to secure orders and create a network, Ma patiently ran our home on a shoestring budget and took care of me.

It took several years before his business took off, but neither did the circumstances deter his resolve, nor Ma’s unwavering support.

And while I share a love-hate relationship with patience, I know it is impossible to go about life without it. Nobody proves that more than Ma and Papa.

Food and the Feeling of Home in a Foreign Land

Guangzhou, in many senses, is home to us. It has been our home for over 20 years. But what is one thing people crave when they are initially far from home? A taste of it.

Ma has a cardinal rule; no guest leaves our home on an empty stomach; no matter what.

Even when we lived paycheck to paycheck, Ma fed Papa, me and his many Indian colleagues who craved a good old home-cooked meal. Years later, her tradition of feeding others prevails. University students, family, customers, friends and strangers alike – her food is loved by one and all.

She says that it is not so much about the food as it is about the intent. If a simple, home-cooked meal makes someone’s day better, then her job is done.

“Everyone deserves a good meal,” she states.

And while I am no wonder in the kitchen, I ensure that any guest in my home doesn’t go hungry. It makes all the difference.

Showing Up

Immigrating to a new country is the first rung of a long ladder, as parents often have to work tirelessly to forge a comfortable life for their children.

I’ve often heard stories of children in immigrant families feeling neglected due to the absence of their busy parents. Such instances often leave lasting scars and impact families for years.

I’ve been lucky. Ma and Papa never failed to show up for my brother and me. They showed up in myriad ways, from attending our PTAs and talent shows while recording our performances or consoling us in times of difficulty.

And they still do. Whether we are in the same house or miles apart, Ma and Papa are still some of the first people I approach when faced with an issue (or simply because I wish to irritate someone).

Their secret to showing up for us? A very simple, “We are a team when it comes to you both.” It is far from easy to show up for oneself, let alone someone else, especially in immigrant families.

And the very fact that Ma and Papa managed to create a safe cocoon for us amidst all the highs and lows is nothing short of an achievement.

Carving an Identity

Isn’t this what many people desire? Carving an identity for themselves, wherever they may be?

Any hint of drive and passion I have has been passed down from my parents. Perseverance, hard work and the desire to make a difference flow in their veins, and I could not be prouder of what they have accomplished to date.

On one hand, papa has carved himself a formidable identity as a credible and skilled businessman. His career boasts of various proud moments; from expanding his business network across several continents to being featured as a prominent businessperson in one of Alibaba’s campaigns.

On the other hand, Ma found her calling in meditation, which she intertwined with her love for singing. A creative at heart, she has pursued different endeavours without worrying about the results, for she thoroughly enjoys learning new things and overcoming challenges.

Today, she teaches bhajans and the nuances of Sahaja Yoga to her Chinese friends, participates in cultural events and has even curated memorable performances in esteemed settings such as the Indian Consulate in Guangzhou.

It is very easy to be lost in a sea of people attempting to make their way about the world. But what Ma and Papa have created for themselves is everlasting – they will carry their identities and successes wherever they go.

Humility

This one concept which is often overlooked by many is a way of life for my parents. I also sense that it is one of the most significant reasons for their success.

What these two individuals have achieved is no mean feat. But never have they allowed it to overpower them. Rather, Ma and Papa balance their success stories with a keen sense of gratitude towards the universe and the many people who were instrumental in helping them reach this stage.

Not only is their humility reflected in how they treat others, but it also plays a pivotal role in keeping them focused on their goals. That’s how my parents have always been; proud of their journey so far, but grounded and eager to experience more of life.

Perhaps that’s why they’ve come so ahead despite the odds. And deservedly so.